Dear Parents,

If you have ever felt unappreciated by your child—met with an eye-roll after a special effort, a sigh at a chore request, or a complaint that a friend’s gift was better—please know this is a universal experience. That sting is real, but it is crucial to understand that this behaviour is less a personal rejection of your love and more a common phase of development, deeply rooted in biology and the modern world.

The primary reason for this perceived ingratitude lies within the brain itself. The adolescent brain is a work in progress, and the prefrontal cortex—the command centre for judgment, impulse control, and long-term thinking—is the last part to fully mature. This means your child’s brain is biologically wired to prioritize immediate social concerns and emotions over the reflective practice of gratitude. They are not being intentionally dismissive; their neurological focus is simply elsewhere, making it difficult to pause and appreciate the context of your efforts.

What is more, we are raising children in an age of instant gratification. With answers, entertainment, and social validation available at their fingertips, the vital connection between patience, effort, and appreciation can weaken. An entitled attitude often masks deeper anxieties about fitting in, academic pressure, or a simple struggle for identity. The complaint, “My phone is too slow for games!” is rarely about the phone; it is often a misplaced cry about social belonging or a bad day at school.

While this behaviour is a normal part of growing up, it is our role as parents to gently guide our children toward a genuine and enduring spirit of thankfulness. Here are five practical strategies to help cultivate this essential trait:

1. Model gratitude explicitly and daily: Let your children hear you express appreciation for the small, everyday things. Voice your thankfulness for a sunny day, a neighbour’s kindness, or the meal you are sharing. This demonstrates that gratitude is the empowering lens through which to view the world, not merely a polite reaction to a gift.

2. Create consistent rituals of appreciation: Make space for gratitude to be a natural part of your family routine. This could be during dinner when each person shares one thing they are thankful for that day. This simple practice builds the "gratitude muscle" over time.

3. Foster empathy through meaningful contribution: Involve children in household chores and explain why their effort matters—“When you help clear the table, you allow us all to relax together sooner.” Encourage them to volunteer or help a neighbour. Understanding different life realities and contributing to the well-being of others is the most powerful antidote to entitlement.

4. Practise confident and loving boundaries: It is a natural impulse to want to give our children everything, but over-indulgence can dilute the value of what they receive. It is healthy to say “no” at times. This creates a sense of anticipation and makes the things they do receive feel truly earned and special.

5. Connect with curiosity before correcting the behaviour: In a moment of ungrateful behaviour, take a deep breath. Instead of reacting with anger, lead with empathy. A gentle inquiry like, “You seem frustrated. Can you help me understand what’s going on?” can uncover the true emotional need beneath the ungrateful words, opening a dialogue and teaching vital emotional intelligence.

Please remember, you are not managing a problem; you are nurturing a person. The gratitude you are cultivating is a seed you plant today for a harvest you may not see tomorrow. Your consistent, patient, and loving efforts are building the indispensable foundation for a thoughtful, resilient, and appreciative adult.